Book is more important than look. (Matilda)

The subject for discussion between Mitch and Morrie in their fourth Tuesday discussion was death.

Professor Morrie was in a formal mood unlike the other day,
as if he recognized the importance and seriousness of the subject 'death'.
Morrie conveyed the important contents to Mitch writing them down indecipherably. 
Morrie, who had always said, 'I'm gonna be the healthiest old man you ever met!',
asked himself a question "Do I die today?" after getting a disease. 
The TV audience of the 'Nightline' program that Morrie had once appeared sent their letters to him.
Everyone frankly wrote about their problems,so the letters made Morrie touched. 
Many people suffered from their personal problems no less than Morrie did,
and naturally most of them were encouraged by Morrie's words.

On the fifth Tuesday, Mitch and Morrie discussed about the subject 'Family'. 
Morrie was proud of his family. 
His wife and two sons were devoted to Morrie and the whole family was full of affection. 
Morrie also said to Mitch, who had no child, that standing the racket for someone 
thoroughly-raising children-was the most valuable experience that can never be replaced by anything else. 
Family cannot be in place of money, fame, or work. 
Try to raise a child,  no matter how painful it is. 
Then Morrie forced Mitch to talk about Mitch's family story. 
Owing to  some reason, Mitch said nothing. 
With the consequence  that reminded Mitch of his brother. 
Though a hereditary disease struck his brother,  he never gave up and he fought it. 
Along the way, dealing with the sorrowful process, he left his family and was lost.
Mitch was distressed with the fact that he could not do anything for his brother, 
so he concentrated in his work to forget this matter, and time flew very fast. 
Looking back,Mitch thought that professor Morrie knew the problem of Mitch's brother all along. 



**

 On the fourth Tuesday. Mitch sat  face to face with professor Morrie who was very serious. 
The subject of their fourth Tuesday discussion was 'death'.
 I wondered what the old professor's point of view toward 'death', 
a massive subject  was, who will face it soon because of his illness. 
As for me, as a reader of 'Tuesdays with Morrie', 
death was the most difficult and dreadful thing to think of.

Death. 
I had always treated it as an affair in the distant future.
I made an excuse for saying, 'there are other things I have to think of.' 
But no other subject was more serious and desperate than death that I am into. 
Nevertheless, I wanted to live my life, which is a contrary concept to death.

As the saying goes, people get sincere before they die. 
It is useful for me to read the story of Morrie, a senior of life, through the book. 
On the other hand, I have to make a choice at last. 
How do I live? 
To think of death is as good as the idea of living with value. 
Morrie had faith in Buddhism and Christianity as well as Judaism. 
It was his choice for his life. 
I am a Christian and I believe in the Holy Cross, not one among many others but the only value in my life. 
I know that the only way for human kind to live forever is to depend on the salvation of Jesus Christ. 
Therefore, the objects of life between Morrie and I must be different.  
However, after probing my own life, I doubt that I am the one who is thoroughly in pursuit of this value. 
Morrie said, "Everyone knows he/she is going to die, but nobody believes it." 
In my case, I assume that I will live tomorrow like today.
I know that I should delve into the matter of death and spiritual thing,
but I put it off till the far future ,because it is arduous and painful for me to mull over right now. 
Morrie said to me, an indolent person, "Once you learn how to die, you know how to live." 
And he added, "If you accept that you can die at any time, then you might not be as ambitious as you are." 
His remarks shocks me. 
Even so, I want to dive into this matter instead of running away from the fact I can die at any time.

This truth still frightens me. 
I tend to bury my head in the sand that everyone will die including me, my family and closest friends. 
What if I die? 
In the past, I tried to avoid this question by intent. Why?

I thought that my life would keep going on. 
That's why I only concentrated on things that Morrie described as 'trivial matters'. 
I have studied Baduk or other things hard, because those works came from God, 
but as a matter of fact, I had a hard time thinking of my spirit, so I was engrossed in so-called easy things. 
Morrie added, "You might have to make room for some more spiritual things."
I usually spent my time thinking of life and death problems of black and white upon the baduk board all day, 
while I spent no more than several minutes to think of spiritual matters,namely eternal life and death problems.
Morrie said, "You hate that word, don't you? 'Spiritual.' you think it's touchy-feely stuff." 
Jesus Christ came to this world to save spirituals of sinful men and carried the Holy Cross. 
If I avoid this problem because of its toughness,I cannot live in peace. 
However, the Bible indicates the way one's soul  can live forever, 
I consider it not as a desperate matter of my own but as a cliche historical fact.
For instance, I feel so-so toward the fact that 'David was given the salvation of God'.

My saying will make Jesus very sad, so I have to be honest with my true self. 
If I cannot be honest in front of Jesus Christ, I can make no progress in spiritual studies. 
I won't be changed as long as I consider the fact, 'Jesus came for me' as a cliche. 
Morrie said, "We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don't satisfy us." 
Do I completely depend on the truth that Jesus died for me at this moment? 
Do I prefer materialistic things to spiritual matters?
I have no option but t o deny it,
thus I should spend time in thinking of spiritual matters.
Though I want to object to my real self ,to be frank,  the death matter cannot be solved.

Once my brother asked me, "Do you assure your salvation from Jesus, if you die right now?" 
I usually frowned, whenever he asked me something related to spiritual matters.
His question made me uncomfortable, since I had never been serious about death. 
In fact, whenever I heard of this kind of question, I choked and said nothing with my face turning pale.
Everytime I faced this situation, I felt sad temporarily, because I was  far from Jesus, 
Curious to say, after starting to study Baduk, I could easily forget everything made me tired. 
Just thinking of his question, I feel utterly exhausted.
Everyday I thank God, although I feel terribly sad, because my daily life is a long way from God.
I rely on the instructions of  the Bible that I can live forever with my belief toward Jesus ,
on the contrary  I don't even want to think of death. 
What an inconsistent confused idea of my own!.

I realize that I have a milestone around my neck. 
I cannot settle my problem by myself. 
However, at least, I know that Jesus takes pity on real me and helps me. 
The life and death  problems cannot be solved by the thoughts of human beings.
Even if a person resolves this problem by himself,
it is not the true settlement, but his own misunderstanding. 
The Bible clearly says that there is no other way except believing in Jesus Christ. 
I feel grievous due to my weakness; 
but if I confess myself to God with honesty, he will definitely help me. 
What I should not forget is to take a long hard look at myself in front of Jesus and ask him what to do. 
Jesus says, "Leave your burdens to me".
I want to pray ,whenever I have difficulty in dealing with life and death problems.
I want to pray that I want to change my life which lacks prayers.
I also thank professor Morrie and author Mitch who made me think of such things seriously.